THE ONE-EYED JACK WHO BECAME THE ACE OF COMEDY

It is now a matter of film legend that the name Badruddin Jamaluddin Kazi made the journey from a bus conductor to a comedy king, thanks to Guru Dutt. He was the one who had not just noticed the unique mannerisms of this young man, he had also given him the screen name of Johnny Walker. Under Guru Dutt’s guidance, Johnny Walker’s career prospered as special roles were scripted for him to provide comic relief as a contrast to Guru Dutt’s serious, brooding themes. Often, entire songs were composed and picturized on Johnny Walker and audiences all over India looked forward to his appearance on the silver screen.

Everyone knows his job as a bus conductor was instrumental in his being spotted by Balraj Sahni who had introduced him to Guru Dutt. But what is unknown to most people is that the young Badruddin had almost missed out on getting employed by BEST. It’s a story that is a testament to his determination and quick thinking that had enabled him to get that job, besides of course his natural histrionic abilities.

When Johnny Walker had received the letter stating that he had been shortlisted for the conductor’s job, he was delighted. But a little line at the bottom bothered him a bit…for it said that the final selection of the candidate depended on their clearance of a medical test that would be conducted over the next few days. He had been intimated the details of the date and venue where the test would be conducted.

The reason for Johnny Walker’s discomfiture was a secret he had kept from others for the longest time. His vision in one eye had deteriorated to such an extent that it was now almost zero. While his other eye had perfect vision, all that the weak one provided for an image was a blur…a hopelessly out of focus blur. Johnny Walker wondered whether the medical examination would also comprise of a vision test.

He went early to the medical centre, hoping to find out more and keeping his fingers crossed that eyes would be exempt from testing. Within seconds, his hopes were dashed to the ground as the assistant at the centre confirmed his worst fears. He rubbed it in by saying, “Of course, the eyes are tested, the conductor has to see where the bus has reached, see the bus fares on the ticket… you think a visually impaired person can do the job.” On further prodding, he revealed that the candidates would have to read the letters off a chart on the wall. The letters would be in differing sizes…and yes, each eye would be tested separately.

Johnny Walker sat down with his head in his hands. There was no way his weak eye could bridge that distance and send recognizable images to his brain. It seemed as if the bus conductor’s job was not destined to be his. He had almost resigned to leaving the place when he noticed the bat wing doors of the doctor’s clinic open…and there, on the opposite wall, he spotted his nemesis – the chart of letters in decreasing size. He noticed that every time the doors swung open, he was able to see the letters with his good eye. And that’s when an idea struck him.  

He was the first person in the group of young men, all gathered for their medical checkups, but when it started, he politely gestured to the person sitting next to him in a style typical of a Luckhnowi Nawab, “Pehle Aap!” In the few seconds that he got when the doors opened, he studied the chart intently, memorizing the letters from the top.

S-J-R-B. The first line had entered his brain. Now he shut his eyes and visualized them in his mind, repeating softly to himself, “S-J-R-B.”

He kept doing this repeatedly, till the first line had burned like an image on to his mind. When it was the turn of the next person, Johnny again allowed another person to go ahead, stealing a glance at the chart. “E-L-M-Y,” it read. Johnny memorized these six letters as well and then started repeating from the top - S-J-R-B-E-L-M-Y.

He continued this until lines three and four also became slave to his memory. Now it was the last line that he needed to learn. But try as much as he could, the last line simply eluded him. He narrowed his eyes, then covered the weak eye with his hand…but all to no avail. The last line was just too far away from him.

He knew now that he could get at these letters only when he sat down for the eye exam. Now, when the next person’s turn came, Johnny Walker stepped up. After all, the other letters had just recently been committed to memory…so it made sense to read them out right away. Entering the room, he immediately peered at the last row on the chart.

The doctor began asking him the customary questions. Johnny knowing he didn’t have too much time, answered the questions, while he memorized the last line.

Name?  Badruddin Jamalludin Kazi….D-P-F-U

Date of birth: 11^th November, 1926… D-P-F-U

Age? Twenty two years… D-P-F-U

Once all the information had been collected, the doctor came up to cover one of his eyes. Johnny hoped desperately that he would cover the one with near zero vision. But today, was not the day for Johnny to keep his fingers crossed. As his good eye was covered, Johnny dug deep into his mind for the combined image of the letters.  

“S-J-R-B-E-L-M-Y-K-Q-I-C-V-N-X-G.” Then, pausing for breath, he read off the last four letters, not from the chart but from his mind, “D-P-F-U.”

The doctor then covered the other eye, but reading with the good eye was just a formality. If Johnny wanted to shut both eyes and read from the chart, he could have done that too. But he had to keep up the appearance of a normal-sighted man, a man with 20-20 vision. So he read the chart again, passed the test and strode out with the appointment letter in his hand.

Johnny Walker – the man nearly blind in one eye, had just taken an eye test in his stride.

This song filmed on Johnny Walker has shades of irony in it where he laments that while so many other things were not seen by the world, he was spotted by everybody the minute he had a little to drink. Well Johnny Saab, nobody knew how you passed your eye exam, till you decided to reveal the secret. Hats off to you!  

JUNGLE MEIN MOR NAACHA